


you’re terrific

by xbladez



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Angst, Gen, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, Mentioned Kairi (Kingdom Hearts), Riku-centric (Kingdom Hearts), Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:14:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28609668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xbladez/pseuds/xbladez
Summary: Sora had turned up one day out of the blue. He was lying asleep on the play island, as he had always done long ago. It was practically frustrating when everyone had searched desperately for a year, having already gone through the entirety of the islands already leaving no stone unturned. Still, all Riku wanted was for him to be home and he got what he wished.There was one problem though.He didn't remember leaving the islands, or anything that took place afterwards. Sora could recognize Kairi and Riku of course, but anyone else appeared as a new face with only a twinge of familiarity to him. For the two he knew, it was somewhat relieving, but it was varying degrees of devastating to the others.They had consulted Naminé, the only Sora memory expert out there, and even she couldn't understand what had happened or at least translate it into words. It wasn't like last time, she couldn't name for sure whether the memory loss would be permanent or not. At the very least, there was no need for another year in the pod for the time being.Unfortunately, that also meant having to face the issue directly.
Relationships: Riku & Sora (Kingdom Hearts)
Kudos: 8





	you’re terrific

**Author's Note:**

> fair warning i have never written a fanfiction before and i am also just not a writer at all. enjoy. feedback is appreciated because i genuinely have no ability to gauge how bad or good this is

Sora gawked at himself in the mirror in Riku's room, learning very quickly how he had grown. Even his necklace seemed smaller than it was before. He'd traced the stitching on his clothes, comparing it to his old outfit and when he got bored of examining himself he pounced onto Riku. He pulled at the corners of his cheeks in a motion similar to one Riku could remember and prodded in awe at the muscles his friend had developed, Sora still rather lanky. 

"I'm pretty sure you told me that you'd get taller than me some day. How's that going for you?" Riku teased, leaning down to his stature for emphasis. Sora pouted and turned away.

Despite his outward composure, Riku ached in a multitude of ways. He couldn't settle on any one reason in particular. It could've been that Sora wouldn't remember moments that they'd shared and meant so, so much to Riku. Maybe it was that he would have to confess to all the things he did before and relive all the guilt. The possibility that this time that for whatever reason he wouldn't forgive him crept from the back of his mind. The thought itself was agonizing. He clenched at the pain in his chest, his shirt scrunching up in his fingers.

The darkness he had done so much to keep at bay, especially for Sora's sake, felt like it was inching its way back, as though everything he did meant nothing. The time he spent without him, Riku had been able to keep calm. It was hard being without him but he'd done it before and he could do it again. When they were searching he thought all his tension could be eased once they found him and he'd be stronger once more, yet now, he felt even weaker than before.

"Riku?"

Sora looked up at him eagerly and it sent a pang of guilt into him. Riku had gotten carried away by his thoughts.

"Sorry, what were you saying?" He made a strained smile. Sora frowned back at him and began, only to falter. Riku wondered if his own distress was too obvious.

"You and Kairi seem kinda different." He fiddled with his jacket zipper. It was a habit he hadn't noticed Sora doing as much ever since they left the islands. He hadn't given it any thought until now. "But not in a bad way! Just, it's weird getting used to, you know?"

Riku nodded, not sure what to do with his own hands. He seated himself on his desk chair. "I know." He knew all too well now, it seemed.

"I haven't really got the full picture but I can tell- feel that there's so much... I've missed out on," he stammered. Sora plopped himself onto Riku's bed, mirroring him.

Uh-oh. Riku's heart raced like a sinner in church. Is it already confession time?

"Kairi said I'm missing, like, really important memories. And a lot of them." He chuckled going back to play with his zipper at a quicker pace this time. "So... could you fill me in?"

Sora severely underestimated the amount of events that were loaded into the past two years. He only half understood everything before he lost his memory, and with being a now blank slate in terms of keyblade wielder shenanigans, Riku doubted that he could get him to wrap his head around all of it in one sitting.

Then again, he needed to own up to his actions.

He could always compromise.

Riku leaned forward in the seat, fingers intertwining with the oddly placed belts on his pants. "If I tried explaining everything at once you'd get a headache, but-"

He hesitated. Riku bore his eyes into Sora's. He recollected how he cried at the keyblade graveyard, he'd never forget the way he screamed and the quiet confessions he made afterwards. It was nothing like he'd ever seen before. As long as they'd known each other Sora had never cried like that, never been so vulnerable. It managed to be worse to when he broke down on his knees, his tears falling onto the back of Riku's hand. But Sora let him see himself in such a pitiful form and though Riku isn't much of a crier, he could let Sora see him in that way as well. Right?

But Sora didn't remember those experiences. He'd almost forgotten that fact for a second. His heart stung, but he didn't try to grip at it this time. He pulled the belts he had already been fidgeting with tighter around his leg.

"I can tell you later." If his Replica were here, he'd be nagging his ear off over this.

Sora gave him a stern state, it was a lot like the face he used to give him when they were just a bit younger. All his old habits seemed to be making a comeback. Riku never knew when it is that they went away.

"I can tell something's wrong." He inched across the bed towards Riku. "I think you've gotten worse at hiding it."

Riku tensed whenever Sora got close to him and now was no different.

"Nothing's wrong," he answered shifting back slightly, "I just think it'd be better if someone else explained. Like someone who was with you most of that time."

"You weren't?" Sora cocked his head.

Sora's eyes were beautiful and caring, full of light. His irises themselves contained a cool color, yet his very gaze was remarkably warm. Riku's were simply depressing to look at. They may have been charming to the other islanders in the past, but now they were colder, greener than they were blue, like if they had somehow rotted. He was heavy-lidded as though his sins were resting directly ontop of his eyelids, unknown to the set of blue eyes before him.

"Nope. You were with Donald and Goofy — the talking duck and dog — for a lot of it." He turned aside as Sora sprung closer. 

"Where were you then? I can't imagine I'd go on some crazy adventure or something without you." The genuine curiosity in his voice didn't ease the darkness swelling in Riku's heart.

"I, uh," he wavered. "I wasn't... being the greatest friend at the time."

He wanted to smack himself. Instead, he faced Sora again.

"I destroyed the islands, everything was broken the place was barely recognizable any more. I let you and Kairi get hurt, I hurt you. Even when I thought I was done hurting you, I started doing everything to avoid you to keep you away and it just made things worse. Then I couldn't protect you. I couldn't protect her." The feelings came pouring out at once.

"Riku-"

"I shouldn't have let you go, I should've stayed with you. I just want to be with you."

Sora cupped his hands onto Riku's face, and the face the hands belonged to was suddenly too close for comfort. He seized up. Riku didn't realize he had started tearing up. So much for not being a crier.

"I don't know exactly what happened... obviously," he muttered, "but it's okay. I'm here now, and the island is here, 'n Kairi looks like she's doing fine. You guys even seem like you're closer than before!"

Riku removed the smaller hands from his cheeks (semi-afraid that Sora was going to fall over from how far he was leaning off the bed to touch him) and wiped his eyes.

How long had it been since he last cried? And in front of Sora, especially? Regardless, it definitely understood what Kairi meant when she told him it makes you feel better. It was a bit embarrassing, though it felt like a weight was lifted.

"You get to be with me right now!" Sora, sitting properly on the bed this time, offered an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry I kept you waiting for, um- I forgot. A year?"

And so the weight fell right back onto Riku.

He wasn't exactly choosing his words carefully, and he definitely hadn't meant for that wish to be spoken.

Sora didn't reciprocate. Or maybe he did and he didn't pick up on exactly what he meant. Would it be worth clarifying if the former still might be true? He couldn't bear it. He felt like his heart was being slowly crushed and torn in the jaws of some awful heartless and spat out in disgust. It managed to claw at him deeper than the idea of Sora not forgiving him. At least there was safety in hatred or anger. It was like the darkness in its strange familiarity. Familiarity bred a sense of comfort, even in things where there shouldn't be. It was straightforward enough and easy to digest and accept.

Rejection was different. He knew even if Sora didn't have the same feelings, he'd keep being his friend anyway. Or worse, accept Riku's feelings despite it being unrequited. Sora had always hated to let people know he was uncomfortable, he's had trouble setting boundaries and forced himself to do things or deal with people when he didn't want to. Riku didn't want to force that upon him. He didn't want to be an uncomfortable presence to Sora in the first place. All he wanted was to protect him. To be a pillar of support and comfort for him. It was practically his life's purpose.

If keeping his feelings to himself meant one less damper on Sora's life, then he didn't mind. He had kept it to himself all this time anyways. At the very least in return, he wanted his feelings to stop gnawing at him.

"Thank you," he said practically whispering.

Riku scooted his chair, leaning forward to put a hand on top of Sora's. He reflected his smile back at him, probably with a bit more of an apology behind it than Sora did. He brushed his thumb across the back of his hand and back. He almost wanted to verbally apologize for confessing, but it would go unspoken. He never really gave proper apologies. All that he did for Sora — to retrieve his memories from the nobodies, to wake him up, to keep him safe — he never admitted to it.

He didn't need to know.

**Author's Note:**

> i tried doing an awkward mix of kh1 sora and kh3 because he's gotten a little different between then and now and i have no idea how that turned out. also somebody better have caught that princess and the frog reference


End file.
